I knew a girl once {it seems like forever ago}, who was the type of person that whatever she put her mind to, she accomplished. A real go-getter. She had such self-control and will-power. She was active. She was happy. She smiled all the time. She was tireless. She loved people and people seemed to love her. I miss her. I wish I could see her from time to time.
Yesterday I looked in the mirror, hoping to see her. She was not there. At first glance, I thought I saw her. She was not the same. She was older, of course. She had a different life. She looked tired. She stopped taking care of herself. She lost her "muchness".
Everyday I take care of my children, try to take care of my home. Everything is about the kids. Many months have gone by and it all seems like a blur. When did I stop loving myself? I truly wonder what happened. {kids happened}, but it doesn't matter unless I'm willing to change. I want to see my friend in the mirror and not this new person. I'm happy with my life and accomplishments. I'm happy with my circumstances. I love my husband and children. I know I am loved. Most days I don't even think about my old self, except when I look in the mirror. I want me back. Actually, I want an improved version of my old self! I'm ready to lose my "muchness" {in a literal sense}.
So, yesterday I met with another long lost friend. The scale. It read a very ugly number. I won't tell you right now. It's depressing, even more than this post!
Tonight, I'm happy with two successful days of my journey to my better self! I don't have everything figured out yet, as far as what this journey involves but I know that I can do it.
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3 comments:
Let me know if you figure it out... I'm on the same road.
Rigel, you are the spunkiest, most charming woman I have ever known. I wish I could tell you how much you changed my life. I had a hard time with the language in the mish, but you showed me how to smile through hardships(making a long story short)! You are beautiful inside and out! I also know the importance of feeling good about yourself! Good for you for making a stand and changing what you need to in order to "make it all better". You are one of the strongest women I know! Good luck and thanks for sharing.
Good job going first, I follow your lead as soon as I figure it all out for myself.
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