PREGNANT

Oh gosh! Just the thought of it makes me sick! No, really, it makes me sick! I dreamed I was pregnant. I woke up thinking about it. And oh how powerful our minds are! I was sick. Literally, I was sick. I threw up.

Morning sickness?. I was nervous. I was too sick to care about anything. The kids might have picked that up. I played, but not really. Alex crawls into the exersaucer. He's stuck. He thinks it's funny at first. Not so much after a few seconds. I thought it was funny.





Elmo must have been very interesting yesterday.


Ben wouldn't eat. My worst pet peeve. Feeding babies who don't want to eat even when you know they must be hungry, or are they?


I had a headache. I called Ryan. He made me call the nurse, who suggested I sip on apple juice and try saltine crackers, to stay away from strong odors, diapers not included of course. I sarcastically suggested a pregnancy test. He said "it crossed my mind".

I called Ryan again. He needed to come home. I was too sick. I was too pregnant. I was going inactive. I thought about wants and needs. I kind of want another baby, I don't NEED another baby. I shouldn't be spoiled. Not everybody gets what they want, right?

Ryan wanted beans and chicken chiplotle for dinner. I put the beans in the crock pot. I took the chicken out of the freezer.

Ryan came home and brought the test. I'm not pregnant. We are relieved. I'll be at church next Sunday. I took a nice hot bath. It was nice, really nice. Emma came to see me and gave me her bath toys. She decided to join me. She wasn't sure I would know how to play with the toys. She took her clothes off and jumped in. It was fun. We played with her bath toys and splashed each other. She loved it. I loved it. It was nice mommy-daughter time. She laughed. I laughed. I wished I could remember that forever. I remembered I was pregnant, oh wait! I'm not!.

We still had dinner to make. I was still sick. We made tortillas to go with our beans. I thought it was a good time to train the next tortilla maker in this home. She did really well and was very proud of herself. I was proud of her.


Ryan calls. "Bring your camera" he says. I ran downstairs and found the boys on their way up! Ben had gone up one step. Alex was right behind him. Ben fell and cried. Alex was on his way up, and eventually made it down. It hurt. He cried.


I kept thinking how amazing our minds are, for good and not so good. Our minds act on our biggest fears (and on the biggest dreams or desires too) and makes you crazy or happy! I took a pregnancy test because even when I knew I couldn't be pregnant, I knew it would appease my mind and stop my brain from causing morning sickness. I am NOT pregnant. The symptoms subsided. I slept all night, and all through Alex's crying. Ryan got him at 7:30 am. I was out until 9:00 am. I feel good. I'm ready for the day.